When the Plan Changes: A Gentle Pause on the Fertility Path

Today, I was supposed to be one step closer. Last night I got my fertility massage, I have been steeping my preconception tea daily, and my heart was wide open for insemination this week. This morning I had my appointment to get my follicle ultrasound hoping for good news - and instead, I was told I have a uterine polyp. One more hurdle. One more pause. 

My first thought was: “Damn, this fertility clinic is trying to take every penny I have.” My wife is currently recovering from a major surgery and was not able to come to the appointment today. I was with my sister, my wife and her best friend on facetime, and while everyone else was saying: “Have the polyp removed before you move forward.” I was thinking: “Roll the dice, let's just do this and see if it works.” I sat with the news quietly at first, my sister and my wife asking questions about procedure downtime and likelihood of getting pregnant without having it removed. And then it hit me, the disappointment. The grief of momentum lost. The part of me that wants to keep moving forward, even when my body says, not yet. 

My wife is recovering not only from a major surgery, but also a surgery complication and a second surgery. We also had some issues with the genetic testing a few weeks ago that I felt was trying to present a setback. I asked my wife before her surgery 3 weeks ago, should we wait? She said, no, let's just keep moving forward. The universe was clearly trying to tell us: not now. 

If you have ever had to delay your cycle, your IUI, or your dreams - this is for you. 

Although this is painful, this doesn’t mean you are broken. It doesn’t mean your body failed. It means your womb is still writing its story - and it is asking for a little more preparation before welcoming life. 

Polyps are common. They can be removed. And from what I have learned today, this pause may be the very thing that increases my chances later. I’m choosing to believe that. Slowly. Gently. 

And I won’t lie - I’m hurting through this. 

I am deeply sad. 

I’m walking through waves of grief, disappointment, fear. 

But I’m talking myself through the pain with as much love as I can find. 

I am choosing to keep my head up - not because it’s easy, but because I still believe the best is yet to come. 

Because I still believe she’s coming. 

So tonight, instead of tracking ovulation, I’m tracking trust. 

Instead of asking why now? I’m whispering to myself when you’re ready. 

To the woman who had to pivot this month - you are still on the path. And you don’t have to be “positive” to be powerful. You just have to keep loving yourself through it. 

I’m with you. 

Sydney